Posts Tagged With: kitty

Smokey Joe’s New Business Venture


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Her blonde mane blows as she flicks her flaxen tail.

His head, neck, and shoulders shake; his mane flops from side to side.

Her hooves plod forward, thumping the frozen earth.

It’s time, once again, to play “Personify that Pony!”

Melody is a cheerleader. She thrives on attention and needs to have a posse around her at all times. She loses all confidence when she’s alone. She’s most like Kitty from Glee.

Twist is Kramer from Seinfeld. He’s a joker; a ham; a goofball. Twist has a large spot over his ears extending across his brown left eye. His right side is white and has a blue eye. He’s shaggy and cares little for appearances.

Honey’s shy and bookish. Whenever someone challenges her, she puts her ears back and runs away. If I’m around, she’ll nudge me as if to say, “Mom! The other kids are picking on me!”

Misty likes order and efficient use of time. If I’m fussing with something in the barn and she doesn’t have hay in her stall, she’ll stomp her foot and swish her tail in agitation. She’s Military through and through. I can picture her leading troops into battle, and if she were injured, she’d say, “It’s just a scratch. Carry on.”

Lexi is a supermodel. She likes to show everyone how she feels, and toss her mane if she doesn’t get what she wants. She loves to run and enjoys being with her friends. She does “lunch” all the time, and wants to say hello to everyone. She’s Heidi Klum–gorgeous, outgoing, and loyal. She has a British accent and bats her eyelashes at Dusty. “Darling, if you want me so badly, you simply must put a ring on it.”

Dusty is Sean Connery. He’s charming, well mannered, handsome, and teaches the other boys who’s boss. He knows how to treat a lady and loves them all. He’s gentle and kind, swift to understand a situation, and fights only when he can win. “You wanna get Capone? Here’s how you get him. He pulls a knife, you pull a gun. He sends one of yours to the hospital, you send one of his to the morgue. That’s the Chicago way. And that’s how you get Capone!” -Sean Connery’s character, The Untouchables

Phoenix is Honoria from the BBC television series Jeeves and Wooster. She loves boys, but they are more than a little overwhelmed by her. She is frequently seen trying to talk one of the geldings into adoring her. She has undying love for Sidney but scares him to death.

Sidney is like a surfer-dude John Wayne. “Talk low, talk slow, and don’t talk too much. Cowabunga, peace out.” He loves to be with you, but he’s stoic. Some days he shows, like, major affection, but other times he’s bashful, pilgrim. Some days he’ll give you a hat tip, other days he wants to smother you with his love, dude.

Sage is the sweetest elderly grandmother you can imagine. She bakes cookies for everyone and gives you a hug if you have a bad day. She watches the others play as if to say, “What dear children. They grow up so fast.”

Braveheart is Dennis the Menace. He’s good hearted but always in the thick of things when there’s trouble to be found. He enjoys sneaking hay at feeding times and loves to use people as kleenexes. He’s so adorable you can’t help but love him. He and Sage sometimes nuzzle over the fence. You can almost hear him say, “Gramma, when’ll the cookies be done?”

Suzie Q is Lucy from Peanuts. She loves to tease; loves to have everything her own way, and is flippant about why. “These five fingers, individually, are nothing. But when I put them together to form a single unit…” She knows how to throw her (albeit small) weight around.

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The Harder to get, the Better to Have

The fuzzy tail flicks as the kitty shows off her small, white teeth. Her whiskers lift as her tongue sweeps across her lips.

She peeks out, her head ducking beneath a wooden beam. She kneads her paws, moving one step, then another. She ducks her body beneath the wooden support and twists her head to rub her ears vigorously across the rough surface.

If I move too quickly, she’s gone; if I move too close, she’s gone. I talk to her as I move forward, telling her not to worry, that I’m her buddy. I promise cuddles and kisses and better ear-scratches than an inanimate object.

I can get within ten feet of her before she runs. She’s learned that when I move to the corner, something delicious will appear in a bowl–kitty food, both dry and wet, along with treats. Her nose quivers in anticipation.

Someday I’ll lure her from the hay bales and into my lap. She’ll purr with satisfaction and I’ll croon compliments about her soft fur and sweet nature.

Until then, I’ll be patient to watch for a fuzzy kitty’s tail to flick.

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The Ugly Kitty

I knew there must be another heated water bucket.

I bought one for Melody when we boarded at Arrowhead Farm, and it didn’t miraculously melt into the ground–so I simply needed to search hard enough to find it. Our small shed in front of the barn either held the bucket or it would never be found.

I turned things over, cleaned out a space, and discovered a Rubbermaid container in a corner. I pulled the large plastic tub out, and noticed it appeared remarkably heavy for an item of its size. I lifted it up, and joy of joys–there lay the bucket. It held a great deal of leaves, pine needles, hay, and other random debris, but I’d found it.

I lifted the bucket out of the container and tipped the leaves out into the Rubbermaid container, intending to burn them later. Instead, two eyes stared up at me.

Either I had a very ugly kitty hiding in the bucket of leaves, or an opossum took up residence.

I gave a very girly, high-pitched scream, then grabbed a container of manure to set on top of the initial container. In my head I heard Giles Corey gasp “More Weight.” I couldn’t leave him like that. I lifted the manure bucket off the opossum’s new digs, and left him alone.

When I came back, he escaped, most likely back to the shed. I couldn’t kill him, nor could I let him stay there. I couldn’t.

I thought about the opossum’s food source, and decided he must enjoy dry cat food. I put some inside a live trap and left it overnight.

In the morning, I discovered that the “ugly kitty” trapped himself.

I don’t hurt animals. I avoid it at all costs. In my hands, I held the life of this so-ugly-he’s-cute animal, and couldn’t imagine killing it in cold blood. I couldn’t even think how to try. I don’t own a gun (the husband won’t let me–it falls under his “Nothing that could rip off and/or injure a limb” category) so the fast-and-painless option simply didn’t exist.

Therefore, I brought the “ugly kitty” to Mike next door. He promised that he’d give the opossum a “heavenly experience” at his farm.

This morning, he returned an empty live trap.

Now, all the stalls have working heated buckets for the winter. The ponies will have enough water. The kitties, too, will not be thirsty. However, outside animals are not welcome when they don’t pull their own weight. They’ll be sent next door to Mike.

(I did not harm any animals in the making of this post.)

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