I can’t keep it a secret any longer.

Bribery, Blackmail, Secret Photographs–none of these were necessary to make me cave. My name is Savannah. I’m a whistle blower who can’t actually blow a whistle. Instead, I’m going to let you in on a massive secret.

Dusty:

Is ACTUALLY the 90′s Rocker known as Diesel Dust! Here he is, attempting to hide from the paparazzi.

Once I figured this out, he attempted to conceal himself behind a cool set of shades–but I saw right through this flimsy disguise.

He tried to sneak out at dusk, but once he’d been discovered, Diesel Dust (Dusty) was quickly surrounded by fans eager to get his hoofprint.

Though rumors abound, this gorgeous stud has been known to canoodle with a particularly leggy brunette. One anonymous source has identified her as “Lexi,” though this hasn’t been confirmed.

Though part of a “big hair” group of the ’90′s, Diesel Dust has since blown his money on ladies and expensive hoof treatments. Furthermore, his lengthy addiction to tail-growth hormone has been well documented.

“He’s a love ‘em and leave ‘em kind of guy,” Honey Bear told me on a recent morning, sobbing her eyes out as she came to terms with the fact that the tall, dark, handsome stud would never call her ‘Mrs. Dust.’ “I’d pictured us in a big stable together, surrounded by a white picket fence. Just the two of us and Diesel Dust junior.”

One recent incident under active investigation is that Diesel Dust (Dusty) is running an underground mud-wrestling ring behind the barn. Photos confirming this report remain inconclusive.

It is to be noted that there are many involved in this scam. Not only are most of those living here aware of what’s going on, some are sentries for these activities. It is believed that this one gives “Tips” about infiltration and snitches.

Though it was assumed at the beginning of my investigation that these…animals…were innocent until proven guilty, it can be assumed that nobody’s clean. Everyone I’ve discussed this with has said that Dusty has spies everywhere, and knows if someone isn’t holding up their end of the bargain. They hide in plain sight, and tend to be easily overlooked.

Worst of all, his assassins have no problem “taking people out.” They even keep waterproof “blankets” nearby to wrap you in, should they need to keep the area clean.

There are acres and acres of land behind the pastures where nobody would ever hear a whinny.

This freshly dug “garden” was “created” after a recent “transaction” between Tip and her boss:

Innocent pile of freshly turned earth, or something more sinister? You decide.

Beware next time you’re on your way to Firefly Farm. You may find yourself in the middle of Espionage, Treason, and Blackmail–or at least up to your eyeballs in manure.

Happy April Fool’s Day!